Day/Lesson 4: The Noise Is Internal
Much of the noise I had been trying to escape was not external. It was internal.
As I embarked on my very first (abroad) solo trip to Jamaica in 2025, a time I will never forget, I found myself in one of the most beautiful spaces I have ever experienced. Some of the most meaningful moments were never captured on camera. Snorkeling in the ocean while seeing the island in the distance. The rich colors. The smells. The laughter and smiles of strangers around me.
In Jamaica, the Lord began to show me something clearly. The noise I brought with me did not come from my environment back home. It came from within.
We often blame environments for what is happening inside of us. We move from place to place thinking the problem is the atmosphere, when the issue is unresolved within. If you move from Chicago to Atlanta, Texas, Hawaii, or anywhere else trying to outrun what is internal, you will eventually find that all of those places begin to look very familiar.
And it was there that the Lord met me to highlight something deeper. The noise was internal, but I felt His presence. He showed me that I was actually safe. That I was not alone. That He was with me.
When you have experienced repeated trauma and lived under high stress for long periods of time, the body learns to stay on high alert, making reality feel as though danger is always present. Hyper vigilance becomes normal. Trepidation feels justified. Your nervous system stays on guard even when danger is no longer present. And from that place, internal lies can feel like truth.
Fight or flight is meant to be a temporary survival response, not a permanent state of living. When a person remains in this state for prolonged periods of time, it begins to affect the brain’s ability to perceive safety, regulate emotions, and respond with clarity, making fear a primary filter for interpretation. In this dysregulated state, information is not being seen or interpreted clearly. When you are in a constant state of survival mode, you are not seeing clearly. Fear, not truth, is driving perception and response.
That trip marked the beginning of my intentional surrender to the Lord’s work of regulating my nervous system. He began separating His reality from the internal narratives I had been living under for years. He showed me that peace was not found by escaping places, but by healing what fear, rejection and so much more had shaped within me.
I am safe.
“I will make your overseers peace and your taskmasters righteousness.”
Isaiah 60:17 (ESV)
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